As just a little Sailor, I had no real true idea of the magnitude of our power in the US. I knew we had tanks, a huge force, big ships with big arms, corporate intellectual capital, but we had more than just fire power. Working for the Department of Defense, was not only exhilarating, but intellectually and spiritually challenging. It boiled down to good vs evil; right vs, wrong; follow vs. unfollowing. It was the psychological understanding to understanding not only who, how, and why, but the greater purpose in life, democracy, and the operations of the United States and not just in the everyday life of a Sailor, but life in terms of World Dominance under a Democracy. To get lost in the power was easy, but to get lost in the world of religion, compassion, conscious, and purpose was more perplexing.
To sit across from Executives making deals with other countries like Australia, UAE, the Saudis, it was tough to not only answer the question “who am I” but also “what do I stand for” and what do we we stand for. To have a glass of wine with someone attractive who sells arms to other countries in mass quantities, and to have a meeting with men who control communications across the world; an experience not granted to everyone; makes you often wonder “why me.” I’d always wanted to impact the world on a massive scale, but to sit across the table from these “War Wizzes” was unfathomable. It was an honor, an experience that made me feel so small, yet so powerful at the same time.
Okay, they weren’t Einstein, building the next Atomic Bomb, but they were Information Heros’; Engineers that could control Communications; the ultimate and only thing by which we survive. Without truth in communications, we have nothing; without communications we have nothing; with them, we have world dominance. I not only knew them, but I worked side by side for years.
The scariest part of the work: not being conscious of the war effort, during the war effort. It was like that part of my brain was temporarily on hold to make sure the job was done without question. Without contemplation. It was beautiful. To work on such a scale, even in disagreement in purpose, it was dominance. It was being a part of something greater. It was fast, purposeful, humongous. I was someone, even if at the end of the day I wasn’t someone. It was humility without grandiosity. It was world dominance in a super power greater than ourselves with great minds, answering the call of our nation; doing what was required, even if mislead.
There was nothing greater than reading the Top Secret document on the 10 year War Strategy directly from the desk of Donald Rumsfeld, the Secretary of Defense, and guiding and directing Executives out of harms way on 9/11. The Strategic Hire of a White House Defense Consultant, the latest deal with America’s biggest Government Agency; today’s weakness; and tonights’ emotional hardship. Drinks with America’s Engineers; tomorrow’s plan to Information Superiority; fear, power, love.
It leaves alot of questions; it leaves a lot of internal reminiscing; a lot of room for fascination and fantasy in the world of technological dominance. In the quest to become rulers of the world; guiding the Promise Land. The greater part is the loss; the distance from the work; the fear of the power; the being of a part of something so powerful and great; the conspiracy; the lies; the cover ups; the truth; the world. The prophecy; the purpose.
She still lives; she reminisces; the thrives on it; she’s still connected; she still lives it and loves it; she’s exhilarated by it; even if she no longer drives it.