I’m in a cycle of Complaints. Why? Because I have been forced into inhumane and sick situations forced to adapt to an abnormal population. They make me sick and it breeds hate towards people. I’m angry.
Information Technology is a great field and the Internet/Phone/TV are great tools for entertainment, productivity, and communications, but if you’re detached from Loved Ones, life is simply often times not worth living.
Problem: I can’t get past the injustice and the longer I live, the more I experience. It’s gotten to a level of sickness that causes my own sickness and brings out a hateful woman. This, I try to manage, as best as possible, and remain professional, insightful, and motivated on a path towards improvement, which often seems impossible.
Choosing to further my education, shouldn’t mean I have to live in poverty, but since I didn’t plan for a break from work, I should be grateful that I receive some form of disability and housing services, even though I don’t get paid a decent amount of money for injuries I’ve sustained. It’s lack of Justice for the Pain and Suffering that bothers me and yes, I want to kill, but don’t. I want to commit mass genocide, but I don’t have the tools.
Managing Through the Emotions
How do I get through the day? I was told to express my emotions through some channel. Ignoring them is like ignoring the problem. Hoping it will resolve itself, is like sitting passively waiting for a jackass to kick me in the face. I’m tired of International Relations and ugly people. I’m tired of fat nasty people, and I’m tired of Technology. It’s like people can’t work together to get it right and everything is segmented, irritating, and I don’t even want to work in the field or be in the world. I have to persevere because I know the feelings are temporary.
Not being able to tell a person that they make me sick is irritating enough. Being forced to live next to nasty people with no care and concern for my feelings who are abusive and threatening is like being stuck in an abuse cycle as a magnet, like a bomb that wants to explode without any firepower.
Stay Focused on the Next Stage of Development or Goal
There is life beyond this nasty stage. I can’t help but wonder what’s beyond that. I have to prepare myself for Long Term study if I want to be a Doctor. It’s not far away; in fact it’s only 5 years. To be a Doctor, you have to understand the problems on multiple levels which is why I have to endure this and I have to maintain self control through the process. I fail at times to feel happy and dedicated, but I have to remember, they are just temporary emotions. Seeing your business name taken over by the Chinese and other people making money and having nice things hurts. I try to rationalize that its okay, but its not. I might’ve been a hacker in the past and promoted open sharing, but specific targeted attacks on me as a person, is an obvious Cyber Attack done by the US either to show support and control or to seriously harm me. I will persevere, even though I feel alone and unsupported.